


Nothing Hurts

by earth2diana



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Canon, Eventual Smut, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Mental Illness, Mentally Ill Yuuri, Mutual Pining, Pining, VictUuri, anxious yuuri, coach victor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 08:48:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10330919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earth2diana/pseuds/earth2diana
Summary: Silence had never felt so good to Yuuri, being physically close to someone had never felt so natural, like it was meant to be. At first, he was tense but it’s like Victor’s arms were relaxers, for once in his life his breathing was regular, matching Victor’s and his heart was walking and not running. Everything felt calm, Victor’s presence was lulling him to a patient heart, it was all so opposite from his reality. It all felt strange in his mind but so right in his heart, it was a complex feeling he couldn’t quite dissect.“Tell me everything,” Yuuri hears Victor murmur, his breath tickling the younger man’s neck. It made him shiver slightly, he hoped Victor didn’t notice. Yuuri didn’t need to question what Victor said before he spoke again, “I want to know everything about your anxiety. I want to help you not be scared. I’m sorry it took me so long and I’m sorry I’m an asshole sometimes, but I really want to know the real you Yuuri. I want to help you.”(3 part one-shot in which Yuuri has an anxiety disorder and Victor doesn't realize until Yuuri breaks in front of him. Lots of angst, pining, and fluff towards the end! Will have 2 more chapters but part one can be a stand alone one-shot.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please excuse any mistakes, I haven't proof read yet... Also, if any of the skating terms are wrong, don't murder me please!!

Yuuri’s back pressed against his stiff, single bed and an exhausted sigh slips from his parted, chapped lips. He runs his bruised fingers over the oily skin on his cheeks and blinks back the darkness that was threatening to take his vision over. He had been at the Ice Castle the whole day. Not the better part of his day, the whole day. 7am to 8pm, with a few 5 minute breaks when he got lucky enough to escape to the bathroom just to sit on the lid of the toilet and cry over how Victor had raised his voice at him because he couldn’t land the quadruple salchow, or that Victor hadn’t even acknowledged that Yuuri was trying so hard, for him. He would take his skates off and both dried and fresh blood had seeped into his skating socks, he had blisters and cuts all over his feet from pushing himself hard, too hard. He did it all for Victor. He wouldn’t even be skating if Victor wouldn’t have waltzed into Yuuri’s life, Yuuri’s space, city, home. After his last terrible season, he was sure his skating career was done. All thanks to Victor, Yuuri whipped himself back into shape in a matter of days, worked his ass off to beat Russian Yuri to fight for Victor’s coaching, for something more than Victor’s coaching, just for him to stay. And now here they are.

He had gotten a taste of Victor and he decided he wanted more. Not just as a coach, not as a friend. A something-in-between. Although he would never express his emotions to Victor, he would rather repress them so he could save the social embarrassment. In the few weeks that Victor had been in Hasetsu, he had learned a lot about his idol. He had decided Victor was one of the most confusing, egotistical, inebriating, just downright difficult people he has ever had the pleasure of meeting. Victor was amazingly gorgeous, talented, funny, dare he say sweet at times. But when he isn’t sweet and caring and all things in between, he can be one of the heartless people Yuuri has ever met. He doesn’t think Victor does it unintentionally, but it still hurts nonetheless. All he knows is that Victor is just doing his job as his coach, and Yuuri may just be being too sensitive. Or maybe he just wishes for their relationship to be romantic.

-

“You weren’t fast enough on that jump. Try again but gain more speed.” Victor comments as Yuuri scrambles off the ice, ignoring the pain in his wrist. He cradles his hand before quickly dropping it and quickly glides back to the other side of the ice and retries, this time faster. Wrong foot placement. Next time his weight distribution wasn’t right, his balance was off.

“Yuuri, what has gotten into you?” Victor’s booming, russian accent comes echoing through the rink. Yuuri stops skating and his breathing hitches in his throat, he can’t look Victor in the eyes. “You can’t do anything right today.” The words felt sharp against Yuuri’s dissolving ego, I know, Yuuri thinks. I know I can’t do anything right, I’m sorry. 

But he doesn’t say anything. He keeps quiet, thankful that Victor can’t hear how badly his heart is pounding, because it would be downright embarrassing. What would also be embarrassing if Victor could see Yuuri’s eyes and his they were glazed in tears, how his throat was tight and how he held his own hand by the wrist, putting pressure on where it hurt.

“We can call it a night and try again tomorrow.” Victor states, turning away and walking to the locker rooms, leaving Yuuri standing in the middle of the ice, everything on his body hurts. His feet are cut up, his calves are sore, his wrist is sprained, his arms are bruised, but worst of all his heart aches and he can’t catch his breath.

He skates back and redoes the jump. With every movement his bones threaten to fail him, he redoes the quad salchow. That time he just was too tired to hold himself when landing the jump. And the next, his foot placement was off. He took a small break when Victor had come back from the locker room, pretending to get ready to leave but right as the doors had shut he was back on the ice. He wasn’t going home until he completed the quad.

He tried again, counting every time he redid the jump after Victor left. He ignored the burn in his thighs, the tears that would dry from the wind on his face. On the thirteenth is when he broke. He had landed wrong and his foot slipped from beneath him, it sent his whole body horizontal and he landed on his spine, he winced and made a sound of pain and disappointment, knowing that he would feel that one more than any other pain on his body. He didn’t even get up, he couldn’t. He just laid on the ice, feeling the panic rise through his throat. He tried to hard to just get up and forget about what just happened, but he couldn’t when he just feels so useless. He let out a loud, gut-wrenching sob. Not the silent, angsty tears. He was full on sobbing. His hands were against his face and he gasps for air, blubbering and shaking as his body just lays against the cold ice. The bright florescent lights and the steel ceiling of the rink was spinning to him and the pain in his chest hurt so bad. He sprung up and skated to the exit of the rink and tripped a little as he stepped off the ice, his shaking body tried to put on his skate guards but his vision was too blurry, his hands wouldn’t stop shaking so he just threw them somewhere across the room, sank down to sit against the wall and cried.

-

“You’re home late, where did you go after the rink?” Victor comments as Yuuri walks into the onsen, his whole body aching. His chest tensed a little when he heard Victor’s voice. He avoided eye contact, or even facing in his direction. He kicked his shoes off and stared at the floor, making his way towards his room.

“I just went on a walk.” He knew Victor wouldn’t buy it, mainly because Yuuri is always too exhausted after practice, it was so out of character for Yuuri. No way he had the stamina to walk for two hours.

“You were walking? For two hours? You were already tired from practice.” He says back, and Yuuri starts to get annoyed.

“Yes, I was walking. I didn’t really feel like going home.” His tone wasn’t exactly the nicest, but he didn’t say it mean. Maybe it just sounded a little rude in his head. Maybe he actually sounded fine. He couldn’t tell. 

“Oh… well, good job today. I know you were trying really hard and I appreciate it. You’re getting a lot better Yuuri.” Victor told him, and Yuuri stopped walking, thinking about what Victor just said. He knew the older man was behind him, but he couldn’t find the heart to to respond, to even look at him. He made his way to his room and wordlessly closed the door.

He threw his bag against the wall, rather hard, causing there to be a loud thump.

In the other room, Victor stared at Yuuri’s door and sighed. He knew Yuuri was avoiding him, he knew that the may have pushed him a little too hard at practice. Yuuri had stayed late after practice and Victor knew that was the case. Before he had left the rink he watched Yuuri retry the quad salchow multiple times, he winced every time Yuuri’s soft and gentle body would slam against the ice, his heart yearned when he saw Yuuri cradling his wrist in his arms. He watched the younger boy hurt himself yet still continue without a word, no protest.

It broke Victor’s heart.

Whether he would admit it or not, he was attracted to Yuuri, in more ways than one. When he had flown to Japan to coach Yuuri, yes he wanted to be Yuuri’s coach, but even more it was because he wanted to be close to him. He wanted to know Yuuri like no one else, gain the man’s trust, be something to him other than an idol.

Yuuri, to Victor, was inexplicably and undeniably alluring. Watching him on ice and off, was one of the most breathtaking experiences. He radiated innocence, but at the same time was seductive without even trying. The way he carried himself with such elegance that was so… erotic.

The thing about Yuuri is, that he didn’t execute it. He never acknowledged the sexiness, the exotic nature and used it to his advantage. There was such a timid filter on Yuuri that Victor wished would disappear. He never skated with confidence, or did anything with confidence, really. But why? Victor wondered this all the time. Yuuri looked the part. He had the handsome face and the lean, built body, all the skill and stamina to be the best skater in the world - so why wasn’t he?

He would get Yuuri out of his shell one day, hopefully sometime soon - but how, was the question.

-

Yuuri was surprised, nonetheless when he woke up naturally in the morning. The sun was peeking through his blinds and he squinted at the bright light, and he panicked.

“Victor?!” Yuuri yelled, scrambling to his feet. He ran to his closet and threw on his random sweats and t-shirt then ran out of the room. He yelled Victor’s name again, while running into the living room and saw Victor just casually sipping on coffee, sitting on the couch. “Victor, we had practice today!”

“Oh, I know.” He says, standing up to meet Yuuri’s height. “I just wanted you to catch up on your sleep.” Victor states, giving Yuuri a small smile that never failed to make Yuuri breathless.

“Oh.” Yuuri murmured, turning away from Victor slightly. His heart sank a little, Victor probably thought he couldn’t land the quad salchow because he was tired. His cheeks burned as he just nodded. He really needed to step his game up today.

“Want some coffee?” Victor asked, licking his lips a little as he made his way to the kitchen, pouring a cup for him already so he couldn’t say no. He sat down at the table, yawning a little as Victor sets it in front of him, sitting down himself. Yuuri took a sip of the coffee, knowing it was hot but he would have given anything just so he wouldn’t have to actually sit there and look at Victor, who’s eyes were praying over him anyway. He yelped as it scorched his tongue, and almost threw the cup down.

“Careful, I just took it out of the pot!” Victor chuckles.

“I see that!” Yuuri whines.

“How did you sleep?” Victor changes the subject, smiling sweetly at Yuuri. Yuuri looked at him suspiciously because, why was he being sweet? Yesterday he had just been telling him how he wasn’t doing anything right.

“Um, good. You?”

“I slept great! I figured since you worked so hard yesterday I would let you sleep in.” Victor says, looking down at the table. Yuuri wasn’t going to be the one to point out that Victor had already told him that.

“Yeah, well unfortunately sleeping in won’t help my quad salchow.” Yuuri said quietly. He knew he was right. Yuuri just needed to work longer and harder. Practice makes perfect.

“Yuuri, you’ve been pushing yourself way too hard. I really do think a part of it may be because you’re so tired. We’ll go to the rink soon and we’re gonna take it slow and you will land it, I promise.” Victor says with a confident look on his face, and nods. Yuuri stares at him for a minute, just taking in all of his features, how could someone’s eyelashes be silver?

“....Yuuri?” Victor says again, waving a hand in front of his face and he snaps out of it, his cheeks flushing. “Oh, uh, sorry. I was just processing what you said. I mean, if you think so. I still don’t think sleep is the reason why. I just can’t do anything right.” He says, but immediately regrets it when he see’s Victor’s goofy smile fall to a look of sadness. Yuuri suddenly getting really anxious. His whole body heats up, he feels the tips of his ears burn.. The feverish wave fell over his whole body, his knee started shaking. It didn’t get any better when he saw the look on Victor’s face.

“Yuuri…”

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri choked out, he quickly got up with tears in his eyes and left Victor 

-

Awkwardly, and wordlessly, they headed off to practice together. They walked to the Ice Castle in silence, an uncomfortable one at that. Victor felt like he’s been walking on eggshells around Yuuri, and as for Yuuri, well, he just felt anxious.

Not that Victor meant to be an asshole towards Yuuri, it was always unintentional, he just truly did not know what to say to Yuuri. He had never been good with comforting people, or praising them for that matter. He knew what he was feeling, and it was that Yuuri was the most gorgeous person he had ever laid eyes on. He was obsessed with the man. All his mind was that morning was yuuriyuuriyuuri. He just didn’t know what to say when he saw Yuuri almost unravel in front of him, shaky hands and bleary eyes always made Victor panic, because why was he so nervous all the time? Doesn’t he know how beautiful he is?

When arriving, Yuuri immediately tied up his skates and got on the ice without a word. The shake in his hands didn’t go unnoticed by Victor as he glided towards one side of the rink. Watching Yuri simply skate across the ice was intoxicating, the way he carried himself was one with determination.

“So, Victor, are you going to show me h-how to do the quad salchow?”

He was trembling, and he was trying to hide it. He was clenching his jaw, so tightly Victor saw the muscles in his jaw contracting, flexing and showing slightly through the skin. His brows were furrowed and he was staring at Victor intently, and Victor stared right back, zoning out and paying attention to nothing except the look on Yuuri’s face.

“Fine, I’ll practice it myself.” Yuuri said quietly, his voice quivering and before Victor could say anything Yuuri was bounding forward, gaining way too much speed to land a quad salchow safely. Victor gasped as Yuuri left the ice, sending himself flying in the air and Victor knew it was going to end badly before it even started. It was the speed, then the angle at which his skate was. At that moment, he himself got on the ice as humanly fast as he could and skated over to Yuuri, who had landed at the most awful position. Yuuri was face down, one of his legs bent but blade on the ground, the other laying on the ice, his hands were both flat against the cool area, Victor was sure it was going to burn after.

“Yuuri!” Victor yelled, crouching down to him and reached to put his hands somewhere, anywhere, desperate to help the boy but he paused when his whole body was shaking, trembling, and that’s when he heard a sob escape from the boy. Victor’s heart broke.

“I over r-rotated, I-” Yuuri gasped, his sobs getting louder and more violent, and the look on Victor’s face when Yuuri had actually said that, was priceless. Yuuri had just body-slammed against the ice, probably sprained or twisted something, maybe even gave himself a mild concussion and he’s worried about over rotating?

“I- what?! Yuuri, it’s okay, it doesn’t matter, what hurts?! You have to tell me!” Victor yelled, tugging the boy upwards as Yuuri’s whimpers tugged on his heartstrings, his knees start to sting because the cold of the ice was burning his skin and he was wearing thin sweatpants but it hurt nothing like the feeling in his chest. The shaking boy said nothing and just sobbed, his unsteady hands hiding his face as he started hyperventilating. Victor’s eyes widened at the action, looking worriedly at the boy who was now scrambling to get off Victor and skating to the exit of the ice, and Victor sprang after him.

“Yuuri!” Victor yells once again, and he actually turns around this time, looks Victor in the eyes this time, even when they are feet away from each other. “You can’t just run away and not say anything? What in the hell was that? You need to tell me what’s wrong, if you’re hurt because I’m worried about you-”

“Victor, nothing hurts physically.” He sobs out, and runs off to the bathrooms. Victor’s eyes widened.

-

Yuuri laid in bed the rest of the day, with no complaints either. Well, he never really gave Victor the chance to complain. He left the rink without Victor and walked home, avoided his family, locked his door and had one more panic attack before knocking out on the ground. So, maybe laid in bed wasn’t the right term, more like sobbed himself to sleep on his hardwood floor. 

He decided that Victor did care, he did, he just didn’t understand. And the thing was, he didn’t have the heart to tell Victor about his anxiety disorder, because he knows him. He knows the older man would feel so bad, he would be upset and that’s not what Yuuri wants, because in reality Victor was an amazing coach and it really made his skating better. He just had no confidence, crippling anxiety, and bad work ethic sometimes. He knew on the inside that Victor had a big heart, and well, he didn’t want to be the one to break it.

(Even though he secretly has broke it multiple times already. But Yuuri doesn’t know that.)

But at this point, would it be better to tell Victor? He has had at least two panic attacks every day for the last week, which is slightly worse than normal. Victor had seen the start or the tail end of many, which even the thought of that made his stomach churn. He can’t believe he broke down in front of Victor today, it was so embarrassing. Victor probably thought he was a cry baby, who cried over every little thing that was said to him.

(Is he wrong though?)

Victor thought he was hurt, like physically in pain. Though a fraction of this may be true, his chest felt like it was caving in on his lungs and heart -- he hadn’t physically hurt himself. Just his ego and his feelings. It was inexplicably embarrassing. He had almost told Victor a blatant lie, like that he sprained his wrist (which technically wouldn’t be a lie because he thinks he did, a few days ago) or that he hit his head on the ice. But it was the heat of the moment and he didn’t have time to think of a believable lie. Even if he would have lied, it would result in being found out, because Victor would rush him to the hospital, they’d take an MRI or a CAT scan, then he’d have unnecessary medical bills and an even more worried Victor--

If Victor cared, would be be here right now? Every day when Victor had arrived, it was almost like he couldn’t leave the younger boy alone. Constantly wanting to go running together, or to have a sleepover, or go sightseeing. Now, Victor was nowhere to be found. He wasn’t clinging onto Yuuri like he had been before. Now that he laments over it, Victor hasn’t done it in days. Maybe even prolonging a week. There had been no late night knocks, jiggling doorknobs, canine whimpers and claw scratches on the door. 

Yuuri didn’t know if he liked the space Victor was giving him or if it hurt him even more.

(It was hurting him. He really didn’t want Victor to ever leave him alone.)

 

Later that day, someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Yuuri sprang awake, blinking a few times at the ceiling before his heart skipped a beat, he looked at his phone, his eyes bulging at the time. “Fuck!” He said really loudly, so loud Victor cleared his throat and said, “Yuuri. What are you doing in there? Can I come in?”

Yuuri had contemplated lying and coming up with a lame excuse like masturbating, or changing his clothes, something that would be less embarrassing than ‘Oh, I cried myself to sleep and passed out on the floor while still in my practice clothes. But then again, all of those come with explanations or just slight embarrassment and he can’t deal with that right now.

“Yes, just give me a minute.” Yuuri says, his cheeks flushing and his stupid heart racing yet again, maybe he was blushing at the fact he was anxious about earlier or that Victor Nikiforov was outside his bedroom door, finally wanting to come in, finally waiting outside the door Yuuri would gladly let him come through for the first time. He felt he owed it to Victor for his actions earlier that were left unexplained, unaddressed for that matter. 

Yuuri checked, no, triple checked, that all of the posters had been removed and neatly organized into a box in his closet, making sure they didn’t get crinkled or bent. He wouldn’t give up his posters for anything, he knew most of them were torn out of teen magazines or printed off a computer but even through pictures, Victor’s reflective silver hair looked as beautiful as always. Though he loved his hair short, the long feminine locks had a special place in his fanboy heart. He took one last look around his room, his childhood feeling evanescent as he unlocked the door and he was face to face with the Devil himself, minus the sharp horns and the pointy tail. Maybe Victor was an angel. He had the most innocent look on his face, one that Yuuri had never seen before. It’s not Victor’s fault that Yuuri is hypersensitive, that anything Victor says has the power to destroy Yuuri’s already evaporating self-esteem.

“Victor,” Yuuri paused, his eyes hadn’t left Victor ever since he opened the door, it’s like they gravitated towards the iridescent man, no matter what he was doing he always looked gorgeous, strong. His jawline outlined his face perfectly, his shirt was only slightly sliding down his shoulder and Yuuri caught a glimpse of the smooth, pale skin that he just wanted to plant his lips on.

Victor moved for the first time since they looked at each other, throwing himself towards Yuuri, it was probably the most ungraceful he had ever seen the skater move but when he felt Victor’s strong arms around his shoulders, a hand at the nape of his neck, another between his shoulder blades, the two weirdly intimate spots tingling, he felt a blissful aura, he wouldn’t mind if he just felt Victor’s arms around him for the rest of his life. He wouldn’t mind being at this man’s side for the rest of his life.

Yuuri’s arms hesitantly, but comfortably found purchase around Victor’s waist. His whole body felt on fire, he was sure Victor could feel his heavy breathing. Their chests flushed against each other, no way Victor couldn’t feel Yuuri’s heartbeat, because Yuuri could sure feel Victor’s and it was beating as fast as his was.

Yuuri was feeling things he hadn’t felt, ever, in his life. Victor hasn’t said a damn word to him but he feels saved. The loneliness is dissipating from his chest, the ache being soothed by strong arms that felt like a getaway. Yuuri’s eyes watered as he tightened his grip around his coach, the man who could silence his nerves with one touch, one action, one simple hug that seemed so small and unimportant but to Yuuri it was everything.

“Stay with me,” Yuuri whispered, repositioning his head in Victor’s neck. “Stay close to me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of leaving.” Victor whispered back.

\--  
Silence had never felt so good to Yuuri, being physically close to someone had never felt so natural, like it was meant to be. At first, he was tense but it’s like Victor’s arms were relaxers, for once in his life his breathing was regular, matching Victor’s and his heart was walking and not running. Everything felt calm, Victor’s presence was lulling him to a patient heart, it was all so opposite from his reality. It all felt strange in his mind but so right in his heart, it was a complex feeling he couldn’t quite dissect. 

“Tell me everything,” Yuuri hears Victor murmur, his breath tickling the younger man’s neck. It made him shiver slightly, he hoped Victor didn’t notice. Yuuri didn’t need to question what Victor said before he spoke again, “I want to know everything about your anxiety. I want to help you not be scared. I’m sorry it took me so long and I’m sorry I’ve been such an asshole, but I really want to know the real you Yuuri. I want to help you.”

Yuuri’s eyes widened, Victor couldn’t see him but could probably feel how tense he got, not that he was uncomfortable at what Victor said, moreso shocked that Victor knew. Relieved was the correct term to put how Yuuri felt, it was one less thing to have to break to the silver haired man.

“Victor. I’ve never felt so relieved.” Yuuri admitted, turning his head slightly so Victor wouldn’t see his blush. Honestly, he’s sure Victor has, it broke out the second he opened his bedroom door and hasn’t left since.

“At the rink, earlier. It was so scary… I’ve seen you panic, but not like that before. You were hyperventilating, shaking, sobbing, everything about your face and body was incoherent and it scared me so bad. I thought you were hurt, you landed so hard on the ice. I just want to know why you feel so anxious around me.” Victor sighed, loosening his grip around Yuuri and sitting up, leaving Yuuri lying on the bed but he quickly sat up alongside Victor, missing the touch already.

“It’s really hard to explain. Well, no. My anxiety itself isn’t hard to explain, it’s the reasoning behind it. It’s hard to explain because when it’s said out loud it sounds so dumb and simple. But to me it feels suffocating. It’s so small it’s hard. Insignificant things are so significant to me, like I worry about if I left the lights on at the ice rink even if I check them multiple times, I will worry about someone’s slight change of voice for the rest of the week, I’ll cry myself to sleep because I spilled a cup of coffee over-” Yuuri was rambling at this point, he wasn’t breathing in between his sentences because he was so worried about Victor not understanding.

“Yuuri, Yuuri. Breathe, darling.” Victor chuckles and Yuuri’s blush couldn’t get any worse as he took a few, short but deep breaths, then stopped breathing all together. He hates being aware of his own breathing.

“Sorry, I go off on a tangent sometimes,” Yuuri says and Victor smiles, a small but genuine smile, because Yuuri is so small, innocent and pure, he just wanted to protect him from anything that ever hurts or makes him feel less. “I just, get worked up over the smallest things and I really hate it about myself because I’m trying to get better on my own, but-- there have been some minor road bumps.”

“Getting better by yourself? What do you mean?” Victor questions, because it sounded like Yuuri was implying he was offered help but didn’t take it-- he was just trying to understand the younger man.

“I- I mean, I could be in therapy or medication, but- I- It’s dumb, really dumb. And cliche, it doesn’t really matter.”

“Of course it matters, Yuuri. Nothing you say is dumb, but you don’t have to talk about it. You just don’t want to take the medication, or go to therapy. I understand. You don’t need to justify your actions to me. Please, continue if you’d like.”

Yuuri paused, trying not to look so shocked. Victor was so… patient. He had never met someone as patient as him, and that’s saying something because in any other situation, Victor is not patient. But in this very moment he was talking to Yuuri with such patience, with an understanding.

“I don’t know, I just… I hate disappointing people.” Yuuri mumbled, not looking up to meet what he was sure would be a very intense gaze from Victor. “And, whenever I feel like someone is disappointed or annoyed at me, which is in about every situation, I get anxious. I try my best all of the time but it never feels like enough. It was alright when I was by myself, like after my first Grand Prix Final when I came back home I was fine because I had no one to impress, I was beginning to think I was done figure skating for good. Then Yuuko’s triplets posted that video of me without me knowing and I was so scared you’d see it and get mad or be disappointed in how bad it sucked, but when you came here and you had so much confidence in me and you had that look in your eye that said you believed in me, I felt like I needed to impress you. Like I needed to keep surprising you, but it gets to be a lot sometimes because I don’t take criticism well, I really wish I could but it just makes me feel like I can never do anything right and I wish I wasn’t like this but it just makes me too aware of what’s happening around me. And it’s not your fault at all, I know when you’re being hard on me it’s just a coach thing but I take it to heart anyways, because… well, that’s the part that’s hard to explain.”

Yuuri looked up for the first time since he started on his little spiel, he swears it’s almost as if he blacks out when he’s speaking. He is definitely sure that he was a fever now. Round brown eyes met splitting blue ones, Victor’s expression was anything but disappointed and it made Yuuri’s heart do a little flip in his chest. Victor’s eyes had a shine to them he’d never seen before.

“There has never been a second in my life when I have been disappointed in you. Never. Yuuri, you always continue to surprise me whether you think so or not. You surprise me in the smallest ways. You are so full of beauty and talent, I just… I never want you to think you’re anything less than perfect. Because you are. And I’m sorry that I act disappointed when I’m coaching you. I’m new to this whole coaching thing, I don’t know what I’m doing really, and I- I like you, a lot so it makes it hard to be oddly nice to you because I don’t want to make you more anxious with any of that, so I try to be mutual but it just ended up hurting you and I’m really sorry-”

For once, Yuuri wasn’t scared. He wasn’t anxious, his heart wasn’t racing, his breathing was steady. Everything was calm about him except for the two hands that reached out and grabbed fistfuls of Victor’s shirt, pulling him forward and kissing Victor, his idol, his coach, whoever-the-hell he is and kissed him with as much passion as he had inside his body. The possession the kiss held startled Victor a little, gasping a little bit at Yuuri’s bold move because this definitely should be switched, Victor should be the confident one, the incharge one, but instead he was left breathless and his heart raced as he feverishly kissed the younger man back, whining a little when Yuuri pulled back.

“Victor,” Yuuri said, Victor noticed how dark Yuuri’s eyes looked, his tone of voice low but stern. “These next few weeks, we are going to work our asses off and I’m going to learn that quad salchow. And at this next competition, you’re going to watch me. You’re going to watch me and not take your eyes off me, don’t take your eyes off me Victor. Not then, not now.” Yuuri growled, and Victor just quickly nodded before their lips were together once again.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed my first Victuuri one-shot EVER!! This will have two more parts, just more about their newfound relationship (eventual smut obvs) but this part can be read as a stand alone! Please leave kudos and comments, let me know how I did :)


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